Last night I watched an episode of “Law and Order” and there was a case where a lady was being harassed; she ended up jumping off the Manhattan Bridge. Initially, all witnesses denied that they had seen anything happen.

Eventually, one witness confessed that a man had dragged the lady out of her car and was abusing her; it turns out there were several that witnessed this, but not one of them had done anything to help her. They were too scared to get involved.

This is called “social proof”. When people aren’t sure what to do, they look to others for guidance. If no one else is doing anything, then they don t either. People assume that other people understand more about the situation than they do, and they follow their lead.

Unfortunately, this passive response from bystanders is not unusual. In other words, bystanders are living up to their name by standing there and doing nothing – and this is a problem. A number of experts today say that bystanders have the power to drastically reduce bullying at schools.

Cyberbullying takes place where adults aren’t present and the kids who are witnessing the cyberbullying need to be empowered to stand up for each other. Minding your own business doesn’t solve the problem of bullying.

Most people want to do something to help someone who is being bullied but often they don’t know what to do. Just like in face to face bullying, cyberbullies like an audience. If the audience shows disapproval, cyberbullies are more likely to be discouraged from continuing.

Peer acceptance is important to them.

It’s important that we teach kids about the power of the bystander early, so they know what to do when they find themselves in that situation.

Sara was fuming at Nikki, so angry that she didn’t even care about sharing Nikki’s secrets on Facebook. Thinking about the consequences after she pressed the “send” key was the last thing on her mind!

The next day in school, everyone seemed to know; it was unreal how fast the rumors were flying and the stories were spreading. It didn’t take long for Nikki to hear the stories and find out how they had gotten started.

Nikki felt hurt, betrayed and humiliated!

Everyone seemed to be talking about her and adding untrue details to her life story. It felt like everywhere she went, people were making fun of her.

Sara felt guilty and embarrassed about what she’d done and wished she could take it back. She couldn’t believe how fast the stories were spreading. Even students in neighboring towns were talking about Nikki.

She wanted to undo the damage, but it was too late; hundreds had already read the online posts.

Technology makes it so easy to express strong emotional impulses. Back in the day, before technology became a social life line, Sara might have taken the time to reflect on her feelings and calm down before doing something rash.

Information posted online is routed to hundreds or thousands in a matter of minutes or even seconds. What you post online one time may not seem that bad, but when it is sent on repeatedly, the damages can be even more than you’d imagine.

Once the message is sent, the sender loses all control. People can copy and paste the information, and add their own information to it. You never know what it will end up saying or who will end up seeing it.

Even good friends can inadvertently hurt each other!

Following my presentation yesterday, I visited with about twenty high school students, asking them what really stood out to them in the presentation.  Almost every student remembered information that was part of a story. We really do learn best from the experiences of others and their stories; it helps us make sense of the information. Stories are effective in influencing the way we think and feel; they touch us on a level where it matters–imagination.

Imagination leads to “emotion“ and that’s where the power really is-that’s what drives us to change our behavior.  Stories have the ability to help us consider the other person’s position, to develop empathy or the ability to understand the way another may  be feeling.  When we can develop empathy, we can begin to care about what happens to someone else.

Empathy can be used as an antidote against cyberbullying; assisting others in thinking twice before acting.  The ability to care for others is critically important in our efforts to curtail cyberbullying and create a kinder world.

Empathy leads to compassion, which is more than a feeling; compassion includes an entirely different way of acting and behaving.  When we have true compassion for others, we have a desire to alleviate or reduce their suffering; to show special kindness to them.

We need to cultivate empathy and compassion to truly have the schools we want.  The Golden Rule is based on the concept of compassion.  Real-life stories nurture the seeds of compassion, empathy, knowledge, and awareness; which in turn can reduce the incidences of cyberbullying.