That’s a rhetorical question.
I should ask–How often have you beaten yourself up?
Most of us are our own worst critic.
I can’t tell you how many times I hear people beating themselves up, not to mention the times I catch myself doing it.
Like with writing this blog–I’m not consistent.
So I beat myself up about it. You’re so inconsistent. What’s wrong with you!!! Get it together!!
Most of us were taught that you should have compassion for others, but were you ever taught that you need to have compassion for yourself first?
The truth is, we often bash ourselves for not being “good enough” and think self-criticism will help us get better. .
But research has found that self-criticism, beating yourself up, makes things worse. There’s actually nothing motivating about criticizing yourself. It makes you feel negative about yourself and it can lead to low self-confidence, anxiety and depression.
Self-compassion, on the other hand, is a powerful way to move out of the rut or challenge you are experiencing. Once you soften towards yourself, you can move forward with a higher level of confidence.
What is self-compassion?
It’s being warm, kind and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than attacking ourselves with self-criticism.
When you are compassionate to yourself, you realize that being imperfect, failing, and having difficulties in your life is inevitable. You are gentle with yourself.
5 Strategies to increase Self-Compassion
1. Consider how you’d treat someone else. Imagine what you’d do if someone you cared about came to you after failing or getting rejected. What would you say to that person? How would you treat them?
2. Watch your language. You may be so used to criticizing yourself that you don’t even realize that you’re doing it. Pay attention to the words you use to speak to yourself. If you wouldn’t say the same statements to someone you care about, then don’t say it to yourself.
3. Memorize a set of compassionate phrases. Whenever you find yourself saying, “It’s horrible,” or “I’m horrible.” it makes you feel worse. Try some of the following phrases instead.
- No one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes at one time or another.
- Everyone has times of difficulties in their life. It’s normal for life to have its ups and downs and I’m not immune from that.
- It’s ok and I’m ok—I’ll just try to do better next time.
- Not everybody gets along with everybody.
4. Acknowledge and accept all of your feelings, whatever they are – anger, sadness, fear, resentment, envy. Once you accept and allow them, they will move on.
5. Give yourself the compassion you crave from others. As you begin to feel your OWN self-compassion, you will realize how much energy you’ve put into trying to get compassion on the outside and how no matter how much of that you’ve received from someone else, it’s never been enough.
Here’s to being more loving and kind to yourself!!
It’s a BIGGER DEAL than most realize!!
Practice these 5 steps and see how much better you feel!!
Another benefit is that the higher your level of self-compassion, the easier compassion flows for others too, which can benefit all of your relationships.
If you’d like to discover how personal life coaching can help you or if you’re looking for a speaker or trainer for a workshop or event, reach out at fay@fayprairie.com or 507-829-0181 and we can set up a time to visit.
