Just like drinking and driving don’t mix well together, strong emotions and technology don’t either! It’s too easy to send heated, harmful comments that you later regret.

Sara was a kind hearted girl who would never purposely hurt anyone. At least she didn’t think she would. But when she broke up with Sam and started dating Tyler, Sam had strong feelings of jealousy and revenge, and he let the nasty text messages fly! Sara was so hurt and felt a strong need to defend herself. Of course, her messages only made Sam’s messages more frequent and heated. Police got involved and charges were threatened if they didn’t stop the messaging. After a few days, when things quieted down, Sara felt terrible about the cruel and awful messages she had sent. When rereading her posts, she couldn’t even believe she had said those things. She had intense feelings of guilt and embarrassment, but the damage had been done. Sara wishes she would have had the strength to “not respond” like people were telling her.

Not responding to someone who is hurling insults at you is hard for anyone, especially when you’re a teenager. When you feel strong emotions, you need to take a break from your phone or computer, and have an alternative plan. Go shoot hoops, go for a run, take a shower, talk to a friend, but don’t send messages on your phone or computer until you have calmed down!

Once you hit the send button, it’s gone and sometimes it’s impossible to retrieve. The damage is done and you can’t take it back. It’s out there for anyone to see.

Last night on CNN, UC Davis sociology professor revealed his study results that bullying frequently occurred to boost someone’s position on the social ladder. The study showed that the more kids cared about being popular, the more aggressive they are.

This study also showed that even though it may give instant gratification in the moment, bullying doesn’t work as a strategy long term to give you the higher social status. Kids may act like they are your best friends but it’s more about them being afraid of what you will do to them than it is about them respecting you and really being your friend.

Kids need to know that bullying isn’t the solution to gaining or maintaining their social status. Studies show that the students who are consistently the most popular are the least likely to be bullies.

Rhonda and Erica had a falling out in school which continued over texting late into the evening. A contest had begun to see who could text the nastiest and most painful message. In the wee hours of the morning, the messages had taken a toll on Erica and she was feeling alone, misunderstood and depressed. Her thoughts became irrational and she wondered how she could possibly make Rhonda feel as bad as she did. That’s when the thoughts of hurting herself began to emerge, “Wouldn’t it be the ultimate revenge, wouldn’t Rhonda feel miserable if she knew  I killed myself because of her. Then she’d regret all the nasty things she said to me! “

Flaming is a fitting name for this type of cyberbullying as each text sent definitely throws gas on the fire. After hours of this, the fire becomes quite large, large enough to stir up suicidal thoughts.
When you don’t see the pain on the face of the person you are texting, it’s easy to keep dishing out the vicious messages. We need to be aware of the intense emotional pain this can cause. We need to have discussions encouraging kids to step away from technology when they are feeling this level of emotion, to take a break, go take a shower, go for a walk, go shoot hoops, talk to a friend or better yet, an adult they can trust. There are better ways to cope with this feeling than lashing out with cruel words. Once you hit the send button, you can’t take it back!

Students need to know that threats against someone’s life have to be taken seriously; that using the words “die” or “kill” is not a joking matter.

I’ve seen kids in face to face interactions make the verbal statement, “I’m going to kill you.” But, I could also tell by their non-verbal behavior; the tone of their voice, their facial expression, their posture, that they were just kidding and it wasn’t a serious threat to someone’s life.

When someone makes this threat online, it’s a different story. It could be real or maybe not…

Six girls were arrested, in January 2011, for their connection with a Facebook invitation to take part in “Attack a Teacher Day” at two schools in Nevada. Students responded to the invite with online threats against specific teachers.Although the six students insisted it was a joke, there was no way to be sure that the 100 students who accepted the invitation wouldn’t take it seriously.

This becomes even more frightening and serious after the recent, January 5, 2011, school shooting in Omaha, Nebraska, where a 17 year old shot the assistant principal and principal before taking his own life.

School violence does happen! Threats cannot be taken lightly!

Many online comments have been protected by the 1st amendment, freedom of speech, but true threats are not protected under the constitution.

We need to use these incidences as teachable moments for our kids about responsible online behavior.