Are you rolling around in this?

What would you say about a person who never takes out their garbage?

They leave it stored in their drawers, in their cupboards, in plastic totes and boxes all around the house.

You’d probably call them a hoarder.

Let’s say, in addition, from time to time, they pull it out, spread it all over the floor and roll in it, sometimes for hours.

Sounds pretty ridiculous, right?

Yet, we all do something very similar to this, and it makes our life stink!!

We all hold onto garbage: resentments, anger, past embarrassing situations, negative thoughts, out dated ways of thinking.

Every once in a while we pull them out and roll around in them. (sometimes for days)

Some of the garbage may look like this

• “How dare they talk to me like that, treat me like that, do that, etc….”
• “Well, I’ll show them they can’t get by with that……”
• “Things have been horrible and they’ll never get any better…..”
• “I can’t believe I did or said that….what’s wrong with me…..”

As we roll around in our garbage, our anger, resentment, embarrassment, and negativity expands.

Lesson: Take your garbage out as soon as you can, and don’t go try to get it back off the truck or back off the burn pile.

Let it go. When you roll around in it, it stinks up your life!!

Could Perfectionism actually be a Weakness?

Do you ever ‘kinda brag’about being a perfectionist?

Unlike other obsessions and addictions, perfectionism is something a lot of people celebrate, believing it’s an asset.

But true perfectionism can actually get in the way of productivity and happiness.

I recently read “Feeling Good” by David Burns and he says that in his more than 35,000 therapy sessions he has learned that:

“perfectionism is arguably the surest way to undermine happiness and productivity.”

He states that there is a difference between the healthy pursuit of excellence and neurotic perfectionism, but he states that in the pursuit of excellence, people often fall into perfectionism.

• Have you ever obsessed over a report when your boss said it was already plenty good enough?
• Have you ever lost an object of little importance but just had to keep looking for it?
• Do people often tell you, “Just let it go”?

Aiming for “perfect” instead of “good enough” can seriously backfire.

This happened to me when I was getting ready to do a workshop. I took a lot of time to understand the group’s needs and personalize the materials for them. The truth is that I already had materials I had used several times with great results to use. But my wanting to make it “perfect” led me to scrap all of that and redo the whole thing.

The result, it wasn’t as good because it was all new and redone. I felt jumbled and not as comfortable with my slides. If I had shot for average instead of perfect, I would have been more at ease, less anxious and done a much better job.

A new mindset that I’ve implemented from this is to:

“Aim for Average.”

Things have become must easier in my life when I aim for average instead of perfectionism.

Overachievers have such high expectations of themselves.

So instead of pushing yourself to give 100% (or 110%, whatever that means) you can go for giving 75% or 50% of what you usually might offer.

My new mantra,
“Done is better than perfect” –

That’s not to excuse shoddy work.

Rather, the idea is to get work done and move forward rather than being held back by perfectionism. (perfectionism can be so stressful and so time consuming)

It’s better to have things complete and done than flawless…..

Sometimes, perfectionist procrastinate because they have the fear of it not being done flawlessly.

They increase their anxiety with the fear that it may not turn out “perfect” or that someone will find a flaw.

That anxiety begins to be what fuels them to work, work, and work. Yet, the anxiety inside of them isn’t healthy for them, physically or mentally.

Aiming to be average can be really hard for a perfectionist and it can take a lot of courage and strength to allow themselves to do something “average.”

Yet, the physical and mental health benefits are worth it.

In the book, Burns states: “There are two doors to enlightenment. One is marked, ‘Perfection’ and the other is marked, ‘Average.’ The ‘Perfection’ door is ornate, fancy, and seductive… So you try to go through the ‘Perfection’ door and always discover a brick wall on the other side…

On the other side of the ‘Average’ door, in contrast, there’s a magic garden. But it may have never occurred to you to open the door to take a look.

He also wrote, “Much of our suffering derives from our perfectionism, and our belief that we should be ‘special.’

But when you don’t have to be special, life becomes more special.

Actually, there is no perfectionism. It’s just a con game; it promises riches and delivers misery.

The harder you strive for perfectionism, the worse your disappointment will become.

Every single thing you ever do can be improved if you look at it closely and critically enough. So, if you are a perfectionist, you’re guaranteed to be a loser because nothing will ever be good enough.

If this sounds like you, try to do something really, really hard.

Aim to be average for a day.

You could also make a list of all the advantages and disadvantages of being a perfectionist. It can help you to see that it’s not that advantageous to you to be a perfectionist.

So, again. I challenge you to aim for AVERAGE and see how it lightens up the pressure and anxiety in your life.