Would you go to a movie you hate over and over again?

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33657235 - dog watching a movie in a cinema theater, with soda and popcorn wearing glasses

Do you ever find yourself replaying scenes from past conversations or situations?  Maybe you replay an argument or conversation and become upset all over again.  Maybe you replay what you said or did and feel embarassed or guilty.

 

You find you keep gravitating back to the same scenario over and over again.

Why?  Would you go to a movie you hated over and over again?

No, you wouldn’t!!

Stop yourself from repeating those conversations and situations that just cause uncomfortable feelings.  Learn what you can from them and then move on.

Just tell yourself–

  • STOP IT!
  • NO, I’M NOT GOING THERE!
  • IT’S DONE AND OVER–I DON’T NEED TO KEEP REHASHING THAT!
  • THE PAST IS IN THE PAST!
  • IT’S TIME TO LOOK FORWARD!

Some people spend so much time in the past that they truly can’t enjoy the present moment.

Research shows that people only spend about 50% of their time on the present moment.  The rest is spent on the past or the future.  Research also shows that the happiest place to be is in the present moment.

So, if you’re spending a lot of your time ruminating on the past, LET IT GO, and focus on the present moment!

If you were going on a trip and you spent the majority of your time looking out the rear view mirror versus looking forward out the windshield, what would happen?

You’d probably get in a wreck before you ever reached your destination!!  The same is true in life.  If you spend too much time thinking about the past, you’ll probably have more “wrecks” than “happiness and success.”

Continually make an effort to LET THE PAST GO and live in the PRESENT MOMENT!!

 

 

 

The ABSOLUTE most PEACEFUL place to live!! Move There NOW!!

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houseDo you ever rehearse the past? 

Have you ever replayed a difficult conversation in your mind and gotten upset all over again?

Have you ever ruminated on something you said and been “totally embarrassed?”

Have you ever replayed a situation and felt your stress and anxiety rise?

We often spend time ruminating on the past and it can be destructive to our present level peace and happiness.

Do you ever worry about the future?

Have you ever wondered how you’ll get everything done?  You’re thinking about the bills you have to pay, the house you have to clean, the things you need to finish at work, the appointments you need to make, the loved ones you need to make time for and the list goes on and one.

Spending too much time on the future can also be destructive to our peace in the present moment.

Do you ever spend your time thinking of being done with the drudgery of work so you can get to the part of life you enjoy?

With all that’s going on- it’s no wonder that we struggle with our minds spending so much time in the past or the future.

Research shows that the happiest, most content and less stressed people are the ones who spend more time living in the present moment.

Living in the present moment means that we are focused on what’s going on right here, right now.  

 

Of course, our minds will always travel to the past and future but our goal is to spend the majority of our time in the present moment.

We can’t really ever be anywhere but where we are, but our attention, our mind, travels elsewhere all the time.

 

How do we bring ourselves into the here and now?

Here are 5 practices you can use that will help pull your mind back into the present moment.

The advantages of practicing these will be, less anxiety, stress, worry, fear, doubts and insecurities AND an increase in peace, happiness, calm, faith and confidence.

Play around and discover which ones work best for you and begin to implement them in your life.

 

1) “Am I Here?”

To be here in the present moment requires you to NOT be somewhere else.

Pay attention to where your mind is.

Ask yourself, “Am I here?” Make this simple but profound question a habit.

“Am I in the past, the future or focused on the here and now?”

 

2) “The Body”

Your physical body is always in the present moment, unlike your mind which wants to be anywhere else.

Pay attention to your physical body.  Focus on your hands, fingers, feet, legs-notice how they feel-this pulls you out of your mind to the present moment.

 

3) “Sound”

Listening to sounds does the same thing.  It pulls you out of your mind and into the present moment.

“What can I hear right now?”

I hear the birds singing, the air conditioning running, the sound of the keys on the computer, etc.

 

4) “Breath”

Pay attention to your breath.  Notice the feelings and sensation when you breathe in and notice it again when you breathe out.

Focusing all your attention on your breath is one of the fastest and best ways to pull your mind out of the past/future and back to the present moment.

 

5) “No Next”

Remove the next.  Imagine that there is no next event, next task, next person or next day, next week, next job-there’s not anything to get to.

STOP your mind from preparing or getting ready for something else to come or the next thing you need to do.  There’s NO NEXT.

Completely focus

on what you are doing now.

 

Each of these practices holds the power to BOOMERANG us back into this present moment.  Discover what works for you and then make these practices a part of your daily life!

 

They are called practices because even a few moments, practiced consistently, can change your life. Each time you practice being in the present moment, you will get better and better at it.

We often miss out on enjoying our life when we spend so much time wrapped up in the past or the future-in a story that’s gone or hasn’t arrived yet.

 

Practice being in the PRESENT MOMENT and see how it can POSITIVELY change your life!

Theses practices are easy to do but remember, “that which is easy to do is also easy not to do.” 

 

Still STUCK?  Seek out Coaching!

Call or email Fay today for a FREE, NO OBLIGATION consultation to see if coaching is a right fit for you!

507-829-0181

fay@fayprairie.com

Are you like a Northern Pike?

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northern pike 2 northern pike 3

Years ago, when brain science was in its infancy, a test was
done on a Northern Pike, Scientists put it in one side of an
aquarium with a glass divider, and filled the other side with
minnows.  The hungry pike immediately went after the
minnows, banging his nose against the glass.

This went on for some time, until eventually the pike gave up.
He learned his lesson.  That’s when it got interesting:  the
scientists removed the glass divider!  The minnows swam all
around him, but it didn’t matter to the pike.

He had been conditioned that whenever he tried to go after
the minnows, he’d hurt his nose.  They could swim right
through his open mouth and he wouldn’t even try.  The “Pike
Syndrome” was one of the earliest tests that demonstrated
how our conditioned thoughts, beliefs and habits can cripple
us, hold us back, cause uncertainty, doubts, fears, anxieties
and so much more. AND, how we ourselves can RETRAIN
our brains in ways that hold us back OR make us successful.

The power of our thoughts is probably way stronger than most people realize.

Once your brain has been programmed to think and
believe certain things, it will do its best to maintain those
“comfort zone” conditions — no matter how much you want
to make a change.  Just like the Pike—he had become conditioned to believe that he couldn’t have the minnows.

Our thoughts have the same effect on us.

90 percent of our worries, fears, & doubts are nothing more than memories from the past that are projected onto our present and they are not real. Yet, thinking these same types of thoughts keep us stuck day after day in the same behavior. (like the Pike was programmed to believe that he couldn’t have the minnows)

 

To make changes and achieve different results in your life, you have to add new and “better programming”

Learning to recognize and reframe our negative thoughts is vital to creating “better programming” that doesn’t continue to hold us hostage to stress, overwhelm, doubts, fears and insecurities.

If you replace one negative thought with 3 positive thoughts, you would feel a difference in your life.

If you replace one negative thought with 5 positive thoughts, you will feel a bigger difference.

If you replace one negative thought with 7 positive thoughts, you will feel a gigantic positive difference in your life.

If you develop new positive thoughts and repeat them again and again then you will strengthen new positive neural networks in your brain and feel a HUGE positive change in your life.

Join me on May 31 @ 7:00 pm Central Time for a FREE ONLINE LIVE Masterclass, “5 Tools to Breakthrough Negativity”

 

Register by clicking here or going to www.fayprairie.com/breakthroughnegativity

Here’s some of what you’ll learn:

How to control your MIND instead of letting your MIND control you.

The massive MISTAKE most people make that keeps them STUCK where they DON’T want to be! (It’s so automatic for us to do this that we don’t even realize we’re doing it)

Six QUESTIONS to ask yourself when you’re feeling overwhelmed and frustrated so you can flip to feeling UPBEAT and HOPEFUL. (I use these all the time and honestly, they work!)

How to fill your mind with EMPOWERING thoughts and STOP the negative, dis-empowering thoughts once and for all.

 

Plus More…….

thoughts are like magnets

Can you see yourself in any of these 7 HARMFUL Relationship Mindsets?? If so, STOP IT!

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Portrait of frustrated couple are sitting on couch and are quarreling with each other.

Want to get along better with every single person in your life?  Then AVOID these 7 Mindsets that create STRESS and HAVOC in relationships!

Our mind is a thought factory producing thoughts 24/7—sometimes up to 80,000 thoughts a day.  We usually accept them as true and don’t take time to examine them but often they lie to us!

We’d all be much happier and get along much better if we took time to become aware of, examine and question our thoughts!

Look at the list of typical thoughts that harm relationships and ask yourself if any of these are true for you.

Sometimes we get stuck in the way we think and then withdraw, attack or give up.

Ask yourself, “Is there a different way to think about this?”

 

  1. Labeling

You label the other person, leading you to believe that he or she can never change: “He’s passive-aggressive”; “She’s psycho.”

Rather than label them, you can look for “variability” in their behavior. “Sometimes he/she withdraws and sometimes he/she interacts with me.” I’ll try to ask/notice/figure out what leads to the withdrawal.

  1. Fortune-telling

You forecast the future and predict that things will never get better, leaving you feeling helpless and hopeless:

“He’ll never change”; “I’ll always be unhappy in this relationship.”

Instead, focus on specific things that you can say or do to help the relationship—focus on solutions.

Look back at positive experiences that you’ve had together to challenge your idea that nothing will improve.

You can also play a little game called “Catch Them Being Good.” Just list every positive you can find and notice, no matter how small.  You might be surprised at all the positives you can find — if you let yourself.

  1. Mind-reading

You interpret their motivations as hostile or selfish on the basis of very little evidence: “You don’t care how I feel”; “You’re saying that because you’re trying to get back at me.”

Rather than engaging in mind-reading, you can ask them what they meant or how they are feeling.

Sometimes it’s beneficial to give them the benefit of the doubt: “They simply need some time to unwind” is a better interpretation than “they are being such a jerk.”

  1. Catastrophic Thinking

You treat conflict or problems as if they indicate that the world has ended.

“I can’t stand her nagging”; “It’s absolutely awful!”

A better way of looking at this is that all relationships face problems — some of them quite upsetting.

Rather than look at an obstacle or a problem as “terrible,” you might validate that it is difficult for both of you but that it is also an opportunity to learn new skills in communicating and interacting.

Problems can be learning experiences and can provide some new ways to grow.

  1. Personalizing

You attribute other people’s moods and behavior to something about yourself, or you take all the blame for the problems:

“He’s in a bad mood because of me”; “I must have done something wrong.”

Phyllis was doing a lot of personalizing, thinking that Ralph wanted to be alone because he found her boring. But really Ralph was so burned out at the end of the day that he needed a little while to cool down. It wasn’t about Phyllis; it was about Ralph’s day.

Try not to take it personal.

  1. Discounting the Positive

You may recognize the positive things in your relationship but disregard them: “That’s what a wife or husband should do”; “Well, so what that he did that? He/she should!”; “These are trivial things that you’re talking about.” (this same concept can be applied to co-workers, friends and relatives)

Every positive should be counted — it’s the only way to build up good will. In fact, if you start counting the positives rather than discounting them, they will no longer seem trivial.

Sam learned that focusing on the positive made a big difference in how he felt in all of his relationships.  As he began keeping track of other people’s positives, it helped him recognize that an occasional negative — was outweighed by the many good things in the relationship.

  1. Shoulds

You have a list of “commandments” about your relationship and condemn yourself or the other person for not living up to them.

“They should know what I want without my asking.”

“They should do it my way.”

“They shouldn’t make me so upset.”

“We shouldn’t have to work at it, getting along should come naturally.”

“I shouldn’t have to wait for change; it should come immediately.”

“They should accept me just the way I am.”

The more shoulds you have for your relationships, the more unhappy you will be.

Rather than talk about the way things “should” be, try to replace your shoulds with “could we try.” “Shoulding” isn’t helpful but you can make progress by acting differently and communicating in a caring way.

Take time to notice if any of these “mindsets” are affecting your

relationships and make an effort to become

consciously aware of how you can change them.

 

When you can change your mindset for the positive, you will see positive changes in your relationships!