THOUGHTS MATTER!!!!

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Yesterday, in my work with a client, we’ll call her Stephanie, she stated—

“I know I shouldn’t think that way but I can’t help it.”

“I know those thoughts make me feel really crappy.”

“They make me feel so overwhelmed.”

“I know they’re negative.”

“I know they’re not helping me.”

“I just don’t know how to make them go away.” “Nothing I do works.” 

First, HUGE KUDDOS to her because she’s getting really good at the first three steps in the ART of CPR which is AWARENESS, RECOGNIZING and TAKING TIME TO ANALYZE.

She’s becoming AWARE of her feelings.

She’s RECOGNIZING how her thoughts are leading to her feelings.

She’s TAKING TIME to ANALYZE her thoughts versus just letting them run on autopilot.

With the average person having up to 60-80,000 thoughts a day running around in their head, how many do you think we’re really taking time to recognize and analyze?

Our thoughts are happening unconsciously 24/7 at lightning speed.

We’re not even AWARE of most of them yet they are RUNNING OUR LIFE!! 

Ninety percent of the thoughts you thought yesterday, you will think again today because your thoughts become habits just like anything else in life. 

The SAME THOUGHTS will keep getting you the SAME FEELINGS and the SAME RESULTS.

Stephanie is really fed up with some things in her life and she definitely wants DIFFERENT RESULTS so she’s taking this ‘thought’ thing pretty serious.

Yesterday, Stephanie and I worked on the C (in ART of CPR) which is CHOOSING TO DEFUSE. 

Everyone has the capability to do this!

DEFUSION is distancing from and letting go of unhelpful thoughts, beliefs and memories.

It’s like being an OBSERVER—you notice the thoughts and feelings but you don’t get caught up in them.

You can use this for anxiety, upsets, worries or any uncomfortable feelings you may experience.

It’s like a muscle, the more you use it, the more you strengthen your skill and ability to use it.

If you’re having worrisome thoughts, defusion skills can help you let the thoughts come and go like passing cars instead of getting trapped in them (ruminating & catastrophizing would be examples of getting trapped in them)

In fusion we are ‘caught up in’ and ‘preoccupied’ with our thoughts.

They feel domineering, like they have all the power in the world to make us feel angry, upset, hurt, worried or anxious.

Defusing allows us to step back and observe those thoughts without getting caught up in them. We start to see that our thoughts as just streams of words, sounds, pictures going through our mind.

They are just thoughts.

Why do we want to do this?

Your life, your relationships, your confidence, your happiness all improve when you can start to control your thoughts instead of letting your thoughts control you.

In psychology there are hundreds of ways to help you diffuse from your thoughts.

Here’s a really easy one that I use all the time and it’s really helped me.

Pick an area of your life that you know you have negative, judgmental thoughts. 

I’ll use the example of self-judgment as I know most people beat themselves up a lot and it makes them feel ‘crappy’ …….

You could also use negativity towards others as we sure do that a lot too. (we’re human judging machines—they shouldn’t be that way!! It’s wrong!!)

You can pick any thought that makes you feel overwhelmed with emotion.

First, put your negative self-judgment into a short sentence….

For example, ‘I’m messed up’ or ‘I’m inadequate’ or ‘I just can’t do it’ or ‘I’ll never figure it out.’

Fuse with this thought for 10 seconds – get caught up in it, give it your full attention and believe it as much as you possibly can.

Now, put this phrase in front of it: ‘I’m having the thought that …’

For example, ‘I’m having the thought that I just can’t do it.

I’m having the thought that ‘I’m messed up’

I’m having the thought that ‘I’m inadequate’

Now replay it one more time, but this time add this phrase ‘I notice I’m having the thought that …’

For example, ‘I notice I’m having the thought that I’m a loser’.

‘I notice that I’m having the thought that I just can’t handle it’

‘I notice that I’m having the thought that I’ll never figure it out.’

The more you practice this exercise, the better you will get at separating from your thoughts. (deffusing)

The more you are able to deffuse from them, the less control they will have over your life. 

In my life coaching program, I’ll work with you personally to identify and recognize those thoughts and feelings that are keeping you stuck where you don’t want to be so you can switch them out for the thoughts and feelings that will get you to where you want to be! 

Send me an email fay@fayprairie.com telling me you’d like to set up a FREE consultation to discover how personal coaching can help you and I’ll reach out to set up a date and time

Ever try to hide your true feelings?

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I’m not mad.

No, that doesn’t upset me.

It’s fine.

Truly inside it may not be fine, but you’ll hide that behind your mask.

A large majority of us have grown up being taught to hide our feelings. 

Expressing your true emotions can be like standing naked in front of someone–very uncomfortble. 

As I’ve talked and visited with hundreds of people over the years, I find that alot of them are just like me–they didn’t grow up talking about feelings but rather pushing them aside.

Saying ‘fine’ when you’re not ‘fine’…

Suppressing ‘Anger’

Hiding ‘Pain’

Pusing away the tears.

Remembering the words–Get Over It!

We tend to think that showing emotions or being vulnerable is “BAD”…..”WRONG”….”WEAK”

The truth is……

We pay a high price for ignoring those most 

TENDER parts of ourself.

Ignored and suppressed emotions often manifest as anxiety, which is at an all time high with teens and adults. 

We get further and further lost/disconnected from ourselves. 

The avoidance and distancing from our feelings actually contributes to the intensity of uncomfortable feelings. 

We can be highly judgmental of others but even more so, we are highly judgmental and under compassionate of ourselves. 

Privately, this contributes to even more suffering.  

More and more people are starting to see that our habitual ways of dealing with emotions is problematic.

Faced with a lifetime of emotional bad habits, how do we even begin to start to become healthier with our emotions?

We really need to learn how to feel our feelings and process our emotions.

Then they can mozy on. 

When we ignore/suppress/bury our feelings, they can intensify and show up in ways that aren’t beneficial in our lives.

Like, anxiety, depression, anger, pain…… (the list goes on)

There are many ways that we avoid our emotions. 

Sadly these ways can increase our suffering and limit our ability to feel happiness and joy.

Avoiding your emotions can put a strain on all of your relationships, including the one you have with yourself.

If you’d like to discover how personal life coaching can help you or if you’re looking for a speaker or trainer for a workshop or event, reach out at fay@fayprairie.com or 507-829-0181 and we can set up a time to visit.

Do you ever do this in the shower?

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Just now while I was in the shower,  I started remembering a conversation from the weekend and I started replaying it in my mind.

Then I started judging–how dare he say that…

Then I started getting upset–that was so wrong…

Then I thought about more of the conversation

Then I started overthinking.

Then I started getting resentful

Then I got even more worked up…..

Then I CAUGHT MYSELF 

I was letting my mind have control

It was totally taking me out of the moment

I couldn’t even remember if I washed my hair

I was too busy getting worked up about the past.

Ever do that?

I told my mind to STOP IT!

“I’m the boss and I wasn’t going to let it do that to me.”

“BE WHERE YOUR FEET ARE!”

Which obviously my feet were with me in the shower-

Not back in that weekend conversation.

I reminded myself:

The happiest place you can be is in the present moment.

Mind wandering is what causes most upsets in life. 

After my shower, I took 5 minutes and used my ART CPR system to examine ‘that thought’ that got me all worked up.

Thank goodness I was able to do a U TURN on my thoughts or I fear I’d have carried that negative attitude with me for a good chunk of the day. 

A in ART CPR stands for Awareness--being aware of your feelings and aware of the thoughts that are leading to those feelings.  

Awareness is always the first step.  You can’t change anything you aren’t aware of. 

Yet, we’re often so busy with distractions and everything else going on that we aren’t AWARE of what’s going on inside of us.  

Today, take some time and randomly through the day, just notice how you’re feeling and thinking.   

AWARENESS  is truly the foundation of Emotional Intelligence.

AWARENESS alone can help you make POSITIVE changes in your life.  

Go on over to my You Tube channel and with this link https://youtu.be/OdHO6oxHRD0   you’ll be able to watch my video on AWARENESS. 

It’s honestly something that would benefit all of us to work on.  

Here’s to becoming more AWARE!

If you’d like to discover how personal life coaching can help you or if you’re looking for a speaker or trainer for a workshop or event, reach out at fay@fayprairie.com or 507-829-0181 and we can set up a time to visit.

Are you Here? Or There?

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Do you ever find yourself replaying past situations or conversations?

Do you find yourself worrying about how the future will go? 

What if things go wrong? 

What if it doesn’t work out? 

What if you fail?

Often, our thoughts are skewed towards the negative things that happened or the negative things that may happen. 

Why should we be concerned about that?

Because it increases our feelings of stress, overwhelm and anxiety.

Research studies show that being in the PRESENT MOMENT is linked to numerous health benefits including lower levels of stress and anxiety, improved mood and better relationships. 

Being in the PRESENT MOMENT is focusing on what is happening in our life RIGHT NOW rather than allowing our mind to dwell on the PAST or predict the FUTURE.

According to one study from Rutgers University, acknowledging the value of the present moment—and feeling positive emotional connections to this moment can DOUBLE your overall LIFE SATISFACTION.

Another study found that people, on average, spend 46.5 percent of their waking time “mind wandering” which takes us away from being in the present moment. 

How do we keep ourselves in the present moment?

Try these 5 Strategies

Strategy #1   Focus on what you are doing right now

 Each time your mind starts to wander—pull it back to FOCUS on the task in front of you. 

Give yourself a command-

“I am going to put all of my minds energy on the task in front of me right now”

It can even help with listening and good communication—

“I am going to give all of my attention to this conversation that I am in right now” 

When we spend too much time thinking about what happened yesterday, last week, last month or too much time thinking about next week, next month or next year, we miss out on the PRESENT MOMENT. 

Strategy #2  Stay where your feet are. 

If you’re always thinking about what you need to be doing next, and all the other things you need to be getting done, you’re no longer focused on the moment you’re in.

You create more feelings of overwhelm and stress because your mind is hopping ahead to the future.

Say to Yourself: Stay where your feet are…..It reminds you to be present, right here, right now. 

When you start thinking about things that happened in the past:

  • Replaying past conversations
  • Mistakes you’ve made
  • Resentments that are eating you up
  • Embarrassing moments
  • Thoughts of how you should have done things differently

Say to yourself: Stay where your feet are.  Your feet are right here, right now—not in those past situations. 

Strategy #3   Savor the moment

Sometimes it’s so easy to be there but not really be there.  Sometimes when we’re overwhelmed and life is going too fast, we numb out. Maybe we kiss our loved ones hello or goodbye but we don’t really ‘feel it’ because we’re not really there. 

If you consistently remind yourself to slow down and savor the moment, over time you won’t feel so distracted or stressed. 

Enjoy that hug!

Watch those birds play in that puddle!

Savor those children laughing!

Appreciate the color of the leaves!

You’ll be able to discover the extraordinary in the ordinary. 

Slowing down and savoring what’s right in front of us can help us develop a sense of appreciation which helps us to feel more joy and happiness in our life.

Learning to “savor the moment” in life is a convenient, free, and effective way to increase your happiness and quality of life, and reduce stress

Strategy #4  Ask : “Where am I right now?” “Am I here?” 

It’s just a simple question that can help you become aware of where your mind is—is it in the past, the future or the present.

If it’s in the past or future, you can then steer your mind back to the PRESENT. 

Strategy #5  There’s No Next thing to get to right now.

Imagine that there is no next event, next task, next person or next anything to get to right now. Invite yourself to stop preparing or getting ready for something else.  Just be totally focused on what you are doing now. 

There’s no next thing to get to right now.  Just be here with this. 

Use these strategies and you’ll discover that the more you can keep your mind from traveling into the past or into the future, the less stress, frustration and anxiety you will have. 

P.S. If you’d like some help improving your life or relationships, email or call me to set up a FREE time to visit about how getting a life coach can help you…..

Email  fay@fayprairie.com 

Phone  507-829-0181